Baby Blues or Postpartum depression? (Part 1)
I’d like to write about my experience with postpartum depession. It may take a few posts to get everything out but I’m at least going to start it.
Let me go back a little over a year ago…Kyler at 3 days old….
In hindsight, maybe I should have known that something was not exactly “OK” when I just DID NOT want to be released from the hospital. Seriously, I wanted to stay forever. This alien, as he was known as, slept about 22 hours a day; so what was my problem? It wasn’t that hard. Well, the breastfeeding was kind of hard but I was determined. I promised friends and family that I’d give it a try. I enjoyed the sessions of help from the nurses- even if I was nude and at the mercy of a stranger. At least they were telling me what to do. I was really enjoying the free food which was actually managed like a hotel with room service. The nurses didn’t exactly “take him” as much as I’d hoped but I was ok with that…I was hip and knew that the baby stays in the room these days. Changing diapers was a bit of a problem at this point because it was so hard for me to get off the bed and waddle over to the changing table (that I couldn’t reach unless standing on my tippy toes). So, my husband did most of the changing…bless his heart. The nurses had that swaddling thing down pat; so Kyler would fall right to sleep after they finished with him. Come to think about it, of course, I didn’t want to go home!!! I was being waited on hand and foot and for the most part, so was Kyler.
I have to say, it did all start when we were packing up to go home. First of all, let me admit something about myself: I do struggle with a few OCD/perfectionism issues. And, I didn’t want to get pregnant with fear of getting fat (lame but true). So, when I tried on my “going home” outfit and my body was completely disproportioned, (and I mean DISPROPORTIONED!), I had the quick realization that I wasn’t going home to the “home” that I once knew.
About Kyler’s Mommy
Hello! I am 31 yrs old and stay at home with my one year old son, Kyler. After giving birth, I suffered from moderate postpartum depression. My son was born a few weeks early and had a few minor issues early on (colic, herniated belly button, breastmilk jaundice). He is now a beautiful one year old on the move!!! He has a speech delay at the moment that we are beginning to treat with weekly therapy. During Kyler’s first year of life, we made two residential moves including one across the country.
I wish that I had started this blog much earlier; however, I am still going to write about the issues that we faced early on and those that we struggle with today. Postpartum depression is something that I would like to write about for my own healing as well as to help others. The everyday life with a toddler is comedic and chaotic…so I feel I must blog about it if for nothing else but to remember it. Bare with me and my posts because I have a lot of catching up to do and many stories to tell!!
EDIT: Over the past few months since starting this blog, we have come to the realization that our child is not JUST speech delayed. Unfortunately, he shows most signs of autism. He has not been diagnosed. Although I really wanted to focus this blog on postpartum depression, it seems so pale in comparison to the struggles and pains that my son suffers daily. So, I will be focusing on his journey and his path to recovery. I do hope, however, that anyone with postpartum depression will find some relief or laughter in my earlier posts and know that you are not alone.
